What Love Means To Me
Dec. 6th, 2014 03:41 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
neonneptunianSo, hey there. I know I haven't really used this journal for much and I need to more, so, here we go! This is actually an important one, so if you could read, that'd be appreciated (or at least just the last paragraph). (this'll be slightly rambly.)
If you've been following along with some of my friends, specificallyelanna, you know she posted a journal explaining an expansion of relationships- specifically recalibrating to being part of a poly group. And, well, i'm part of that! Her toy indicoyote and I have decided to be, well, deerfriends (because I mean seriously that's really cute). But with that, I should explain a bit of what relationships mean to me, and for that matter, just...Love in general. I feel it a bit differently than most, I think.
The short answer: I love. A lot.
...I guess that makes me incestuous as all heck,'cuz a lot of you I would mercilessly snog in a heartbeat too? n..n;
I still feel attraction, mind you, but that's a bit seperate. I can find someone hot and sexy and not really be all that romantically inclined...Yet inversely, I think if I have affection towards you, it's more likely than not i'll find you attractive. (This oftentimes can mean attraction based on ideas: I mean, frig, I knew a lot of you based on text-based debauchery, and if you can seduce me with words, it's all but assured that i'll want to smooch your face IRL, regardless of your physical body. Period. End of statement.)
Also interesting, is that...I don't really feel jealousy. That's not an emotion I have; instead Compersion is basically my strongest emotion in its place. If you say you were having a good time doing something with someone you're close to, my first response will likely be 'hey, if you wanna share details, deets pls :D'.
Hence, relationships have been kind of weird for me sometimes, now that I think about it. I've always defaulted to an open relationship, but I'd fret sometimes that I didn't love my partner as strongly as they did me. I have a memory from my last one, of my SO telling me that 'you're the most important person in my life'...and that actually really freaked me out, honestly. Like, the thought of being so -absolutely critical- to someone kind of made me twitch, because, well, I can be flighty sometimes.
There are moments where I want to spend time with other people; sometimes spending too much with one friend makes me want to float away and be alone for a bit. I might be extroverted, but too much extroversion and I need a bit of introversion to counteract it. Social interaction is nourishing, but each one of you has a different flavor or strain of sustenence. And even though pizza might be great, if you eat pizza for a month straight you'll probably go crazy. :P I mean this as no offense to any of you, mind you! It's an inherent limit in my socialization patterns, and if I get to be near that point i'll endeavor to let you know. <3
So what does all this mean, going forward? Well, like I said, me and Indi are gonna be in a relationship, as part of a poly group! So, well, i'm polyamorous- or rather, that was pretty much my default to begin with? Something like that. Honestly, it's a natural extension of us already being close (I mean, we're both glow-elementals of some sort, it's not all that surprising.) This is a good excuse for us to do cute things together and be extra-snuggly, so really i'm all down for it. I'm still going to be as affectionate with the rest of you, though! If you're someone i'm already close to, nothing really should change. Indi is a puzzle-piece of my heart-glow, and a large one! But I still have other pieces too- and so thank you for helping me glow bright. I'm impossibly lucky in that regard.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(And if you have questions, ask! Say something! Don't feel bad about communicating.)
I would rather walk under the light of a thousand stars than one sun.
If you've been following along with some of my friends, specifically
elanna, you know she posted a journal explaining an expansion of relationships- specifically recalibrating to being part of a poly group. And, well, i'm part of that! Her toy indicoyote and I have decided to be, well, deerfriends (because I mean seriously that's really cute). But with that, I should explain a bit of what relationships mean to me, and for that matter, just...Love in general. I feel it a bit differently than most, I think.The short answer: I love. A lot.
Expanded: Love for me is a natural state. Like, when I was a kid, i'd be the kind of one to just say to my mom out of the blue 'hey I love you'. Like, at least /daily/. there's a reason (I suppose) that some people decided a Star Sapphire lantern would be a good birthday gift. n.n; I see the good inherent in people that I grow close to, from scening and cavorting and just hanging out- and I want to help nurture that. Y'all are basically my family- I have love for each and every one of you.
...I guess that makes me incestuous as all heck,'cuz a lot of you I would mercilessly snog in a heartbeat too? n..n;
I still feel attraction, mind you, but that's a bit seperate. I can find someone hot and sexy and not really be all that romantically inclined...Yet inversely, I think if I have affection towards you, it's more likely than not i'll find you attractive. (This oftentimes can mean attraction based on ideas: I mean, frig, I knew a lot of you based on text-based debauchery, and if you can seduce me with words, it's all but assured that i'll want to smooch your face IRL, regardless of your physical body. Period. End of statement.)
Also interesting, is that...I don't really feel jealousy. That's not an emotion I have; instead Compersion is basically my strongest emotion in its place. If you say you were having a good time doing something with someone you're close to, my first response will likely be 'hey, if you wanna share details, deets pls :D'.
Hence, relationships have been kind of weird for me sometimes, now that I think about it. I've always defaulted to an open relationship, but I'd fret sometimes that I didn't love my partner as strongly as they did me. I have a memory from my last one, of my SO telling me that 'you're the most important person in my life'...and that actually really freaked me out, honestly. Like, the thought of being so -absolutely critical- to someone kind of made me twitch, because, well, I can be flighty sometimes.
There are moments where I want to spend time with other people; sometimes spending too much with one friend makes me want to float away and be alone for a bit. I might be extroverted, but too much extroversion and I need a bit of introversion to counteract it. Social interaction is nourishing, but each one of you has a different flavor or strain of sustenence. And even though pizza might be great, if you eat pizza for a month straight you'll probably go crazy. :P I mean this as no offense to any of you, mind you! It's an inherent limit in my socialization patterns, and if I get to be near that point i'll endeavor to let you know. <3
So what does all this mean, going forward? Well, like I said, me and Indi are gonna be in a relationship, as part of a poly group! So, well, i'm polyamorous- or rather, that was pretty much my default to begin with? Something like that. Honestly, it's a natural extension of us already being close (I mean, we're both glow-elementals of some sort, it's not all that surprising.) This is a good excuse for us to do cute things together and be extra-snuggly, so really i'm all down for it. I'm still going to be as affectionate with the rest of you, though! If you're someone i'm already close to, nothing really should change. Indi is a puzzle-piece of my heart-glow, and a large one! But I still have other pieces too- and so thank you for helping me glow bright. I'm impossibly lucky in that regard.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
(And if you have questions, ask! Say something! Don't feel bad about communicating.)
I would rather walk under the light of a thousand stars than one sun.
